I'm in A Funk

Mother’s Day always puts me in a funk. Mother’s Day is still a few days away and I have already had several crying spells. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to be a mother and I am blessed with a family that showers their appreciation on me. I have also been blessed to have several wonderful “mother” figures in my life.

The real issue with Mother’s Day is that in 1992, cancer made me a motherless daughter. I don’t care how young or old you are, it is really hard to lose your mom. Time is a great healer, but seventeen years later I still leave Hallmark crying. I want to buy her a card or send her flowers. Honestly, what I really want is to be able pick up the phone and hear her voice. I think I have forgotten what it sounded like.

I remember the last few days of my mom’s life like it was yesterday. Even though we had watched her suffer and deteriorate for over a year, I wasn’t ready to let her go. I thought I was, but I wasn’t. I prayed for one more conversation (she had been unresponsive due to pain medications for many days). God granted us that last conversation the day before she died. I will remember that conversation until the day I die. Sometimes I wonder why I only prayed for one last chance to say goodbye. I should have prayed for more…more years with her here.

So, like I said…I am in a funk. I want to honor her. I want to share with you what a wonderful mother she was and what a beautiful testimony she had. But I can’t do that today. Today I just want her back.